sothisislifeblog asked: Hello, lovely...I miss you.
Omg I miss you more omg I need to see you when wow omg lmfao this answer looks so stupid I don’t know what to say
I hate when people treat me like a child who doesn’t know anything and they act like they’re so smart because they’re adults. I don’t mean to be cocky but I am right a lot of the time. Yesterday when dad and I were trying to take the tv apart, he was trying to take out the wrong screw and I’m telling him this is the right one. And then after an hour of arguing, he did what I said, and guess what? I was right. And the first time we met with Lynn for the house and we wrote the contract, I told them to use the lender that Lynn recommended. They said “noooo this guy is Persian, we know him, he’ll do it for us” and guess what? He’s the reason everything was messed up. We could’ve been moved in and settled a week ago buy noooo I’m a fucking stupid child.
And I hate when people simply don’t care for my opinion because I’m 14. They think of me as a person who doesn’t know shit and can’t help them in any way. God damn. I don’t understand. Why can’t you just listen to what I say and even THINK about the fact that I am right?
I hate that he thinks he’s always right and he treats EVERYONE else like they’re stupid. Seriously, we didn’t ask for your opinion. We can figure it out. Just stop.
And I hate how he lets him think he’s always right and he always lets him think we need his help. Why does he even have to come to the fucking settlement? Are we too stupid to do it alone?
reconstruct--yourself asked: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL
I DON’T KNOW
BUT LOOK AT THIS
CAPTION: “OH YES!”
I haven’t blogged in a long time so I think I will. And I have a lot on my mind. I think I’ll blog Rosey-style.
- I spent Monday - Thursday at Pegah’s and I do have a lot to say about that but not now.
- We’ve been packing like crazy and I wish it would just be over. I’m very excited for this house and I think it’s because I have so many pictures and ideas in my mind of what it could be. I imagine myself and I imagine my room and what I will do and it’s sad because I’m sort of living in the future but I just can’t way to make it my present. My room will look perfect, I swear it. Perfect. I will make the budget work. It’s like anytime I think of the house, I immediately think of the perfect room I imagined up for myself and then I sit there thinking for a long time and I start thinking about my future and all that will happen. About what I will do and how great it will be. But it just sucks because I’m not living here and now.
- And by the way, I sad that you’re leaving and I really do want you to stay at home but I literally can not spend one more day than I have to I’m the same room as you. If she really feels bad for you and you really hate how small the room is, find I’ll take it but I’ll only take it because I don’t want to live in the same room as you and that should tell you something.
- Money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure seems money could solve a whole bunch of problems that cause sadness.
- Everything I said that night, I meant it. And I hate how you acted like you gave a shit but you never mentioned it again, you ignored everything I told you and you didn’t bother even trying to fix it.
- I hope that at Oakton, I can get myself a good education and study hard and achieve my goals. That’s all I want.
- I know that a lot of the people there are snobby rich kids but I’m going to deal with it. There will always be shit-people in our lives. I mean I don’t have to make friends or even really talk to anyone. I just have to study and get good grades. I can be the unknown. I’ll go to school and hope to be unnoticed like Vera. I mean I do have this little dream type hopey thing that when I go there I’ll meet at least some people worth my time who will affect my life positively. I could have this little group of people I associate with who I may call my friends. And we just won’t like the snobs and what not. Thats a dream for high school though, not specifically this one. That would just be quite nice. But I don’t have to have that. I can go on like this and maybe have that in high school.
- The double standard here is killing me. Because I will never be good enough for you. I will always be second best. And of course that’s just a figure of speech because I will never even be second. I will never be good enough to be on your list of best people in the world to you. You let her do stuff that you won’t let me do and I don’t care what your reasons are, that’s not okay. And it’s sad really because most people say it’s not okay but no one is ever treated the same. And I know she’s older but when she was my age you let her do stuff that you don’t let me do. I don’t even ask to do that much but the fact that once a year I want to hang out with some one and you say no just pisses me off. You’re a wonderful mother and I know that because I have compared the way I was raised to the way other people were raised and other people are currently raising their children. And when I’m a wonderful mother it will be because of two things: the three amazing mothers in my life and all the shit you put me through. The point is she will always be best. She is the favorite she is the best she was the first and I will always be a horrible kid never knowing which of my actions caused this. I don’t care what music it is, if I don’t like what she’s listening to and you tell me she can listen to what she likes, you can’t tell me to turn off my music (which by the way is playing on my speaker in my half/room) because she doesn’t like it and you happen to agree with her. You said to me today “it’s bothering you” but you didn’t give a shit when her songs were literally driving me crazy. And I mean crazy like my don’t-know-what-you-call-it-psycho-attacks. And it upsets me because you let her do practically what ever the fuck she wants but I’m supposed to sit my ass down at home. And now you say “every time I ask you to go somewhere with me you say no and stay at home” but then whenever I actually want to go somewhere you say no and still complain that “I never go anywhere.” And the fact that you think your opinion is always the most important and everyone always cares about your opinion. I don’t care what you think of my bracelets, I didn’t ask what you think of my music, and I most certainly do not give a shit whether you like what I like. If you’re not going to wear it or live in it or use it why do you think I should care what you think? Because I don’t. Be a bit more like dad. I ask him what he thinks of a shirt at the mall and he replies “I’m not gonna wear it.” I mean really, dad, if I’m asking, I want to know your opinion, but I love how you think you don’t need to like it. I have so much more on this general topic and so much more to say to you because I always keep it all bottled up but I decided I don’t have to talk to you. I just don’t want the negativity. I don’t want you to make me cry everyday because I stopped crying everyday a while ago.
- You know, I’ve made peace with the face that I’m a complete psychopath but one thing bothers me. I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what disease or condition I have or what exactly is wrong with me. I may be bipolar but again, I haven’t been diagnosed with it. What’s that other name for it? Manic depressive? I think.. Anyway I mean I sometimes make a joke about it or sometimes I say something seriously and people think I’m joking but I really believe there’s something wrong with me and I don’t need you to give me shit about it saying we’re all crazy and we all have those days. Because my close family will tell you. It’s not something most people have. Yesterday I talked non-stop for two hours, laughed for one, and then started sobbing and yelling at my mother for making me cry. And as far as I remember she didn’t do anything.
- I hate that no one will give me a job. God fucking damn.
Well this was a long post and I’m sure I could say some more but goodnight.
I will never be good enough for you to treat me the same as you treat her. That is the worst thing about siblings because you will never be treated the same.
The beauty inside you grows each day. And you’re a glorious flower on the outside. And I can’t believe just what you’ve become because it’s oh so sweet. Don’t tell me not to say this because I mean it 100%. You’re wonderful in inexplicable ways. I love you. Yes I love you.
And maybe if you’d stop pissing me off or if we were a bit more alike, I wouldn’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to leave. But I need some space. Because you may think it’s a joke, but I believe it can happen and I don’t want it to. I don’t want my kids to grow up without their aunt just because we couldn’t get along and we stopped talking. Yes, I really think that could happen. Because you don’t understand the pain you’ve caused me. But yes I love you it’s true. And I won’t stop saying it. I love you I love you I love you.
Oh the confidence you’re missing. Oh why so negative. Oh the things you don’t see. And I just want to punch you when you say something bad about yourself. So just shut up already. I don’t want to hear you talk about your fat or your face or your smarts. You’re beautiful and smart and you will go so far you can’t even dream it. So stop with the negativity. We don’t accept that around here. But yes I love you it’s true. And I won’t stop saying it. I love you I love you I love you.